Carapharnelia
by LeviYeagerAckerman
Summary: Carapharnelia; A broken-heart disease whenever someone leaves you but leaves all their things behind./ "Levi… I never knew what your favourite colour was," he said, looking away. "I never knew how you liked your coffee, really, even if I always made it for you in the mornings," Levi noted the past tense, and oh, there's the sixth thing.


**_A/N:_ _okay, first of all, hello! It's been a while since I last posted something here (a whole 2 years, holy shit) and now I'm back, full force and as gay as ever (But with better grammar and spelling, hopefully)_**

**_ There are a few warnings I must give for this story, which I feel are appropriate: Yaoi, smut, and angst. Oh, so much angst. _**

**_This was originally posted on archive of our own under the same name, so now you know I'm not stealing the story. _**

**_enjoy! _**

_Can we meet? We have to talk_

Levi frowned down to his phone, wondering what exactly Eren could want. It wasn't unusual for him to ask him to go and eat out, or have coffee, or to simply go for a walk in the park; Levi normally said no, of course, but this time it seemed important.

_Yes, _he typed, and waited.

The response didn't feel as happy as it normally would whenever-despite rarely- Levi answered Eren's texts; instead, the words on the screen looked solemn and dull. So unlike Eren.

_Are you free today at around 4pm? _It said, and then a second text came in with, _at the café that's down the street from your home?_

Levi sighed, looking at the clock. Damn him, Levi had this afternoon off and he wanted to spend it alone and not in company of his quite _eccentric _boyfriend, no matter how much he- grudgingly- enjoyed his company. So he sighed and resigned himself to type a bitter _sure, _but Eren did not respond after that.

That's the first thing that went wrong that day, because it's always Levi the one who doesn't send a text and deems the conversation over.

The second thing was the afternoon chill that bit at the tip of his fingers and made his nose go red in the cold. He lamented not bringing a heavy jacket or a scarf or mittens, even if the only pair he owns is that ugly piece of cloth that Eren gave him last Christmas as a joke, the ones with a weird rainbow pattern and smiling cat on the back of it ("It's cute," Eren had said. "It kinda reminds me of you.")

He hates them more than he hates the brat, sometimes. But back then, walking the streets of London after 2pm in the beginnings of December, he wished he at least had that protection against the elements.

By the time Levi made it into the café, he was sure his dick was about to shrink back into his pelvis because of how fucking cold it had been.

The third thing that went wrong was when he saw Eren on a booth on the far back, even when Levi knows he prefers to sit up front bedside the window. _Since when do I know this, _Levi asked himself with an air of surprise but not displeasure. He shrugged it off, something he knows not to do now. _Maybe it's because of how long you've been together, _he reasoned. _After all, this month it's your first year anniversary._ More than he'd ever lasted in a relationship.

He walked over to Eren with careful step, not noticing the dark aura that surrounded him.

The fourth thing was that a cup of black coffee with two sugars was resting on the table in front of Eren, who also had a cup of coffee- black, from the smell of it, which in itself was weird because Eren _despised _black coffee (he wondered when he learnt that, too) (He also shrugged it off with the same excuse of time) (even if he knew that Eren normally orders a cinnamon and mint latte in Christmastime)- which was odd, because Eren always insists they order together, even if he knows Levi's order by heart (since Eren also insists on making him coffee every time he spends the night at Levi's home) and Levi could just _ask _Eren what he would like to drink (even if he _knows_ that during autumn, Eren likes pumpkin spice lattes and in winter cinnamon and mint and in summer he prefers iced chai lattes and in spring it's always cold fruit and green tea)- but no, the little shit always wants to walk up to the counter, annoy the shit out of Levi by clinging to his arm or simply holding is hand, and have them order like if they were a married, straight couple. Which they are not.

The fifth thing, Levi guessed, was the previously mentioned and gone into detail with- Eren was drinking black coffee.

"I thought you didn't _like_ black coffee," Levi commented, actually making an effort to break the awkward atmosphere that hung over them.

Eren smiled, and it felt wrong in a lot of ways. "I don't," he said, looking down at his cup, toward the far away window, the paintings on the walls. Anywhere but Levi's eyes. "But this time it feels appropriate, don't you think?" he said, and Levi didn't understand.

There was a short silence between them in which they sipped at their coffee, and Levi wondered why he even bothered to come, since he could have been working, then, instead of wasting his precious time sitting in silence inside a noisy coffee shop. Levi suspected the noise was the silence itself, and then proceeded confuse himself with weird, metaphorical thoughts until Eren spoke again.

"Levi…" He started, but then stopped and looked down when Levi turned toward him. "Yes?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow in inquiry. Eren tried again. "Levi… I never knew what your favourite colour was," he said, looking away. "I never knew how you liked your coffee, really, even if I always made it for you in the mornings," Levi noted the past tense, and oh, there's the sixth thing. "I never knew if you liked the warmth or the cold, I never knew whether you preferred cats or dogs, or who your least favourite workmate was," Eren chuckled, and it sounded more like a sob, as if his throat was swelling and it wouldn't let his voice out.

Levi wished for his voice not to come out.

"Why would you want to know those things?" Levi asked, voice as flat as ever. "They are not important. What's the point of this, anyway?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"They are, though," Eren said, and when he looked up his eyes looked like glass and not the captivating shade of green that isn't green but isn't blue or yellow, either. They did not hold the warmth that they normally do when he looks at Levi. And Levi thought about how weird it was that he could ever describe a pair of eyes as 'warm.' And that was the seventh thing that went wrong.

"They are," he sighs. "They are because they represent the small things. You don't truly know a person if you don't know these things."

"I don't know what you mean with this, Eren," Levi said, annoyed. He was always annoyed, it seemed. At least when it came to Eren.

"I know you don't," he laughed a little, but it held no humour. "I know. I'm sorry. Shit, Levi, I'm sorry." He said, and Levi had no idea why the kid was apologising since there was nothing to apologise for.

"I never bothered to know these things about you. Or, well, I did, but _you _didn't." he looked away again. Levi frowned. "You didn't. and I mean, for the little I know you, I know that you're naturally cold and stoic and intimidating, and I'm not gonna lie, that was what first drew me into you. But now… now it's what is drawing me out."

Ah. The eighth thing.

"I don't know what I did wrong. Maybe it was that I thought that I'd be able to crack you open and make you smile, at least once-" _but you did, _"-or that I thought you would let me in-" _and I did, you just never realised, _"-and I was a fool for thinking that I would be different from others-" _and you are, _"-but it turns out I am not-" _what are you talking about, Eren? "_–And I'm sorry for not being good enough-"you're _blabbering nonsense, Eren, are you sure you're okay? _"-and that I was so insistent in the matters within our relationship-" _you weren't insistent at all _"-and pressuring you into things you didn't want, or didn't need-" _but I did need them, I need you _"-I'm sorry I was never beautiful enough for you-" _but you are, you are perfect_"-and that I was too exuberant and eccentric-" _and that's what I love the most about you, _"-maybe a cared too much-" _no, you cared enough, _"-or not enough-" _you cared in just the right amount I needed, Eren, _"-And that's maybe the reason you don't love me like I love you-" _but I do, I love you so much, so very much_ "-so I think… I think we were never meant to be, after all-"_Eren, don't _"-and I think you are better off without me, because my personality is toxic when it interacts with yours."

Eren finished talking, and the silence is tense between them.

"So, you mean… You are breaking up with me?"

Eren looked away from Levi's eyes, which had hardened and cooled and didn't show their usual emotion.

"…yes."

Levi sighed, and he felt his heart shatter inside his chest. It felt so real, and he was surprised nobody else heard it.

His face was still neutral.

"Okay." And that the ninth thing that went wrong.

Eren looked away and stood up, setting his now empty cup of coffee down on the table.

"I'm very sorry, Levi." He said, and a tear made its way down the side of Eren's face and onto the floor.

He went and stood bedside Levi, and Levi held his breath as Eren leant down and kissed his temple tenderly, and lovingly, and Levi heated it. It felt like if a door had been slammed in his face, and the key was in the other side.

"Take care of yourself, Levi," He whispered. "That I'm not there doesn't mean you don't have to take your medicine or eat at least three times a day." then he kissed Levi again, and he was gone.

His tenth and last mistake- not thing that went wrong, since, apparently, in the course of the few days that have passed since their coffee date, he's discovered that these were all mistakes made by him, and not just things that went wrong just to ruin that day, his life and immediate existence- was not stopping Eren from leaving him. It was not grabbing his arm when he stopped beside Levi, not chasing him out of the door.

His last mistake was letting him go.

Now, see if he cares. See if he cares that Eren- the man that he's come to love in these past few months, the man that managed to drag him in deep, deep, deep into him without Levi realising it until it was too late, the man that once meant the world to Levi and he never realised it until it was too late, the man that would always make sure he ate and had a coat and freshly brewed coffee, the man that baked him a birthday cake when he thought everyone had forgotten about his birthday (again), the man that took a week off work so that he could look after a sick and delirious Levi, the man that loved him unconditionally, the absolutely _impossible_man who carved his way into the centre of Levi's heart just to leave an Eren-shaped hole in it-had just left.

And, well, it was his fault. It was his fault for never saying 'I love you,' back, for not wanting to cuddle whenever Eren wanted to, for ignoring Eren's _good morning, babe _and_goodnight, beautiful _daily texts, for being too much of a coward to let Eren inside in a conscious manner, for not showing the affections that Eren so obviously craved and locking his heart out of reach even if Eren managed to get to it, anyways.

See if he cares that his heart had been ripped out of his chest and stoned and stepped and spit on.

See if he cares that Eren's broken his heart, even before he even realised he was in love.

See if he cares. Because he does; he cares a lot. And he hates it all.

And now it's over.


End file.
